THESE PEOPLE GOTTA GO by peterbd

by Keep This Bag Away From Children

britney spears
ben has a nice head of hair. you shaved off your nice head of hair. gtfoh

tom brokaw
ben doesn’t want to be a news anchor. you’re a news anchor so gtfoh

fidel castro
gtfoh so ben wallin can run cuba the way it needs to be run

chris brown
you beat up rhianna. ben wallin would not do that. gtfoh

rhianna
you went back to chris brown. ben wallin don’t fuck with chris brown. gtfoh

ezra koenig
you went to columbia. gtfoh

charlie sheen
you haven’t been relevant since 1992. you’re nothing compared to ben wallin gtfoh

hillary clinton
you’re married to bill clinton and did things for the nation and stuff but you’re still not ben wallin. gtfoh unfortunately

stephen hawking
you think you know everything about science and aliens when ben wallin taught you everything you know. gtfoh

mitt romney
thank you for listening to ben wallin’s gtfoh advice

hurricane sandy
you fucked up ben’s halloween plans. gtfoh biotch

whomever killed tupac
telling you to gtfoh is not needed. ben wallin already found you and got rid of you. tupac’s mom paid him to do this. she was happy with her decision

ben’s ex girlfriend
gtfoh for not being up to ben’s standards

ben’s ex friends
gtfoh for being shitty friends

steven spielberg
gtfoh for not being ben wallin

 

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PeterBD is a pioneering e-mail author. He writes exclusively (until now) in electronic mail form. His mostly complete works can be found here peterbd.tumblr.com/

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